As a disclaimer, EnvisionCo Blog is reader-supported. Some links on this site are for additional informational purposes whereas some others are affiliate links (don't worry, these will be clearly marked as such). When you click through an affiliate link on our site and sign-up for a service or finalize a purchase, we may earn affiliate commissions. This of course is at no additional cost to you. Additionally, EnvisionCo Blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is in no way intended to be a substitute for financial advice by a registered certified financial planner, medical advice by a qualified physician, or therapy by a trained mental health professional.
We often know that setting boundaries is essential for healthy relationships, yet more often than we may care to admit, we struggle to enforce them effectively. Rather than face awkward, uncomfortable conversations, we give in or give up—sacrificing our needs, time, and emotional well-being in the process. We tell ourselves it’s easier to avoid conflict, to keep the peace, or to simply hope that others will respect our limits without us having to reinforce them. But over time, this pattern leads to resentment, burnout, and a sense of losing control over our own lives. Why is it so hard to stand firm on what we know is best for us? And more importantly, how can we break free from this cycle and start enforcing boundaries with confidence and clarity? In this article, we will review four common setting mistakes and provide strategies for making them more effective.
The Error of Trying to Fix Others, Not Yourself
Boundaries create clarity by outlining how you want to be treated, ensuring that your needs and values are respected. That said, the most important ingredient in setting boundaries is you. While boundaries can involve requesting changes from others, they are not about controlling or forcing someone to act a certain way. Instead, they are about defining what you will accept, tolerate, or engage with. When the focus shifts toward trying to change others rather than adjusting your own responses and actions, you are not setting boundaries, you are creating rules and expectations that may lead to frustration and disappointment. True boundary-setting empowers you to take responsibility for your well-being, helping you make choices that align with your needs, rather than relying on others to change. It’s often more effective to concentrate on what you can control—your own actions, decisions, and limits—rather than expecting others to alter their behavior to accommodate you.
Establishing Limits During Conflict
Much like there is a difference between a boundary and a rule, there is a huge difference between a boundary and an ultimatum. When boundaries are set in anger, they often come across as ultimatums or punishments rather than thoughtful limits. Before setting a boundary, take a breath. If you're not in immediate danger, calm down and reflect. Consider what you need and how to express it clearly. This will lead to boundaries that are more respected and effective.
Caving Under Pressure
The truth is, not everyone will be happy with your boundaries, especially those who benefited from your lack of clear boundaries. Some people may push back, whether directly or subtly. As mentioned at the outset, rather than face awkward, uncomfortable conversations, we give in or give up. But please hear this, just because someone dislikes your boundaries doesn’t mean your boundaries are wrong or should be changed. And if get in the happy of only enforcing your boundaries when it’s easy, others may learn that they can get their way by resisting. Your needs are important and worth your standing firm over. Most people will adjust over time if you remain consistent.
Diminishing Your Authority by Overexplaining
As already touched upon, those who benefited from your lack of boundaries are not going to be happy that you've gone on to set boundaries. So please be prepared to be asked, "Why?" And it may be tempting to try to outline and explain all of your reasons why. Listen, don't. Don't do that. Those that benefited from your lack of boundaries don't care about your why; they are simply gathering intel to pressure you into changing your boundary. In many cases, "That doesn't work for me," is often enough. You don’t have to repeatedly justify your decision; after all, boundaries are for you, not the other person.
Let’s talk! Which of these mistakes do you relate to the most? Drop a comment below! Navigating boundaries is not always simple. At times it may seem easier to both you and others to keep the status quo. But the purpose of boundaries is to communicate how you want to be treated. Boundaries make expectations clear so both parties know what to expect from each other and how they should behave. When you recognize what matters most to you, you can take steps to prioritize those things. If you're having trouble with boundaries, take a moment to consider these four common mistakes. Small changes can create clearer, healthier boundaries that will be respected and help you meet your needs and improve your wellness. Please remember that wherever you are on this wellness journey, do not worry about getting it perfect; just get it going. Until next time. Happy reading!
Speaking of boundaries, make it your personal financial boundary to yourself to no longer rely on one income source....
Affiliate Links to Follow: |
Usually, I don't advertise debt but I know what time of the year it is and how so many are dealing with the aftermath of the gift giving season and need a financial boost. How does an extra $300 sound? If you sign up for a new SoFi Personal Loan account using my referral link, SoFi will reward you with an additional $300. This does not apply to anyone living in the state of Vermont or anyone already with an existing relationship with SoFi (i.e. banking account, savings account, or investing account). |
How does a bonus $25 sound? If you sign up for a new SoFi Checking and Savings account using my referral link, SoFi will reward you with $25 directly in your savings account. Please note that you cannot combine this offer with any other offer from SoFi. Meaning if you get the $300 bonus from the SoFi Personal Loan, you cannot alos get the $25 bonus for the SoFi Checking and Savings account. So choose the offer that will best meet your needs. |
Find savings boring? Hey, many people do. I have you covered there also. You can click SoFi Invest and use my link to sign up for a new investing account today! In return SoFi will gift you with $25 worth of stock. |
You've heard a lot about bitcoin. Now you are finally ready to throw your hat in the ring. I have a link for that too. I'm so glad to see Coinbase brought back their referral program! Sign up for Coinbase using my referral link and you will get $20 in bitcoin after making your first trade. |
I've been using Upside for about two years, and I love its simplicity. It's a great app that partners with businesses to offer cash back. While you can find some grocery stores and restaurants, Upside is best known for helping you save on gas. Sign-up with my Upside referral link. Input promo code NT3G8 to get an extra $0.15/gal bonus the first time you make a purchase. |
New to the lineup. River offers to you investing in bitcoin with confidence. With River, you 100% Reserve Custody, have Zero-Fee Recurring Buys, and you can earn 3.8% bitcoin interest on cash. Sign up for River using my referral link and you can earn $5, $20, or $100 in bonus bitcoin when you buy. |
It pays to have a financial ally. $100 to be exact. And time is winding down for you to be able to cash in on this opportunity! If you sign up for Ally using my referral link, you will receive from Ally Bank $100 when you open an eligible account (savings account, spending account, OR self-directed trading account through Ally Invest). Offer closes April 30, 2025. |
"You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce." ~Tony Gaskins
Here at EnvisionCo Blog, we try to keep ads to a minimum making our blog entirely reader-supported. We may feature links on this site for additional informational purposes. From time to time, we may feature other links which are affiliate links (and these will be clearly marked). When you click through an affiliate link on our site and sign up for a service or finalize a purchase, we may earn affiliate commissions. This is of course at no additional cost to you. However, if you like what you see and would like to make a donation to help us keep ads to a minimum, we would greatly appreciate it! Nothing fancy. We accept the price of a cup coffee with as much gratitude as we would the price of a tank of gas!
Comentarios