#NewYear #NYResolutions #StressRelief #StressManagement #PersonalDevelopment #InternalFamilySystems #IFS #SelfLeadership #SelfLedTransformationCoaching #SelfLedTransformation #Clarity
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How did last year treat you? If you took a moment to reflect on the past year, what did 2024 reveal about yourself, your life, and the world around you? For me, it highlighted that people often have short memories. Sadly, if given the chance, we tend to repeat the same mistakes and lessons again and again. This is largely due to our habits. Our bodies and minds fight to maintain balance, even if the state we’re striving for isn’t beneficial for our wellbeing or aligned with our life goals. Even with the right resources, good intentions, and ample time, we still make choices that don’t match what we claim to want. Why does this happen? Clarity. I remember one of the master trainers at an old job always saying at the start of each session, “Clarity precedes competence.” Over the last three years, we've improved our skills and dare I say competence in many areas—time management, effective communication, self-care, motivation, discipline, mindfulness, money management, and more. But without clarity, the lessons and advice we receive won’t stick. The "why" behind our actions is crucial. Gaining clarity requires effort—there’s no shortcut. You must understand yourself and your goals. Without that clarity, you’re likely to make many missteps. But how do we get more clarity?
7 Tips to Finding Clarity
Here are seven tips that have helped me find clarity and live a life filled with passion and purpose. They are rooted in the journey of self-discovery, where understanding and harmonizing our inner parts can lead us to a more intentional, fulfilling life.
Tip 1: Take Action
Recognizing when you're in a place of unhappiness or unfulfillment is the first step toward finding clarity. The next step is to take action—acknowledging that something needs to change and deciding what steps to take. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) terms, this is about getting in touch with your Self—the core, wise, and compassionate part of you—and allowing that energy to lead you into action. Taking action helps quiet the parts of you that might feel stuck or overwhelmed, allowing your Self to guide you toward the clarity you seek.
As a life coach, I want to shout out loud and clear: the action you need to take is to invest in yourself and hire a life coach. A structured coaching program can help you:
Identify the parts of your life that aren’t working, and understand what’s driving those challenges (perhaps through some unhelpful internal parts, like the Inner Critic or Fearful parts)
Set clear goals, while acknowledging the parts of you that might resist change
Explore who you truly are at your core, what you want, how to get there, and what you hope to achieve
When you identify the WHO, WHAT, HOW, and WHY, you begin to integrate your internal parts in a way that aligns with your true Self. This integration allows clarity to emerge naturally, as you become more in tune with your authentic desires and purpose.
Tip 2: Start Meditating and Journaling
Self-reflection is essential for connecting with your true Self, the core, wise part of you. Meditation and journaling are powerful tools that facilitate this connection by helping you increase awareness of your internal world.
In the context of Internal Family Systems (IFS), meditation allows you to tune into your inner landscape, recognizing how different parts of you respond to triggers. You might notice anxious parts that surface when you're faced with certain thoughts or situations. You might also observe calmer, wiser parts that offer guidance and support. By cultivating mindfulness, you can learn to observe your thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. This allows you to step back from reactive patterns and create space for your Self to come forward and lead with compassion and clarity.
Journaling also plays a vital role in this process. Journaling provides a safe space and helps give voice for different parts to express themselves. As you write, you might find yourself writing from the perspective of an anxious part, a critical part, or a more resourceful part. Journaling can help you understand the interplay between different parts and how they contribute to your experiences. By unearthing these patterns and acknowledging these beliefs, journaling can help untangle the confusion, often leading you toward solutions you hadn’t considered before.
By engaging in both practices, you create awareness around the parts of yourself that might be driving your actions or clouding your clarity. With this understanding, you make space for your Self to emerge, guiding you toward a clearer, more authentic direction in life.
Tip 3: Give Yourself a Break
Taking a step back from external stressors like social media, constant phone calls, and emails is an important way to create space for clarity. When you remove these distractions, you allow your Self to emerge and lead, free from the influences of more controlling or critical parts of yourself. A change of scenery or environment can help you disconnect from daily pressures, giving your mind the room it needs to rest and reflect. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), giving yourself a break is a way to quiet the noise of the internal parts that might be taking up too much energy, and create space for your Self to find clarity. Now I know that a lengthy break may not always be feasible, even just a day or two away from the demands of work and personal commitments can create enough space to reconnect with your authentic self. Use this time to reflect on the WHO, WHAT, HOW, and WHY of your life. By stepping back, you allow your Self to guide you toward a deeper understanding, free from the overactive influence of your parts.
Tip 4: Identify Your Personal Core Values
This is a crucial step in finding clarity. For me, the day I identified my personal core values was the day I began to gain a sense of purpose and direction. Your core values act as the guiding principles of your Self, helping to align your actions and decisions with your true, authentic essence rather than reacting from the more protective or reactive parts of you.
When you identify your personal core values, you establish a solid internal framework that you can turn to whenever you're faced with decisions or dilemmas. For example, when you're uncertain about a choice—whether it’s a judgment call, a career move, or whether to attend a social gathering—your core values help bring clarity by offering a consistent reference point. These values help calm the conflicting voices of parts like the People-Pleaser or the Perfectionist, allowing the Self to step in and make decisions that are true to who you really are. For those who have done the deep work of identifying their core values, they can attest to how transformative this process is in gaining clarity. It’s like having an inner compass that helps you navigate through life’s challenges, ensuring that the decisions you make are aligned with your authentic self and life purpose.
Tip 5: Be Honest With Yourself
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), honesty with oneself is not just about telling the truth to others; it's about honoring the truth within. Being honest with yourself means acknowledging and accepting all of your emotions, including those that are uncomfortable or difficult. This might include feelings of sadness, anger, fear, or shame. It involves paying attention to your inner experience – your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. This allows you to understand the messages that different parts within you are trying to convey. True honesty requires vulnerability. It means being willing to face your fears, acknowledge your limitations, and ask for help when you need it. This type of honesty fuels the process of taking action, self-reflection, and identifying your personal values, all of which guide you toward clarity. It also creates space for responsibility, as you take ownership of your choices and their alignment with your true self. Responsibility, in the IFS context, means acknowledging the influence of your parts, while allowing your Self to lead you in making decisions that reflect your deepest values and purpose. Honesty with yourself is not always easy; however, it is a crucial step on the path to greater self-awareness, inner peace, and a more fulfilling life.
Tip 6: Incorporate Self-Care Into Your Daily Life
Self-care is a profound act of self-love, and when you practice loving yourself, you naturally begin to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), self-care is not about indulgence; it's about nurturing the needs of all parts within you. Just as you would care for a loved one, you need to care for yourself with compassion and understanding. Self-care practices such as exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep help to regulate your nervous system and meet the needs of anxious or overwhelmed parts. Self-care practices such as meditation, mindfulness, and spending time in nature can help you connect with your Core Self – the calm, centered, and compassionate presence within you. Mindful movement activities like yoga, walking, or dancing can help you connect with your body and release physical and emotional tension. Restorative practices such as sleep, relaxation techniques, and spending time in nature can help to calm your nervous system and reduce stress. Creative activities such as art, music, or writing can provide an outlet for emotional expression and help you connect with your inner world. Spending time with loved ones, engaging in meaningful conversations, and cultivating supportive relationships can nourish your sense of belonging and connection.
By prioritizing self-care, you're inviting your Self to take the lead, reducing the noise of less helpful parts, and opening your mind to new possibilities. This, in turn, can lead to greater clarity, peace, and fulfillment.
Tip 7: Ask the Right Questions
Asking the right questions is a powerful tool in uncovering the truth about yourself and your path forward. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), it's about engaging with your Self to guide you through the parts that may be blocking clarity so that you can access deeper truths and insights.
Here are some insightful questions to help uncover that clarity:
"What would you do if you had less time?" This question can help you connect with your deepest values and passions. It can also help you identify parts within you that are afraid to pursue their desires due to fear of failure, judgment, or other limiting beliefs.
"Are you ready to learn the truth about yourself?" This question invites you to explore the gap between your authentic Self and the parts that are influenced by external expectations. It encourages you to acknowledge and accept all aspects of yourself, including those that may be hidden or disowned.
"What truth are you holding inside?" This question encourages you to explore the parts within you that are afraid to be seen. It invites you to embrace vulnerability and share your authentic self with the world, even if it feels scary or uncertain.
When you begin to ask the right questions, you shift the focus from external pressures or fears to your internal wisdom. Asking powerful questions is an ongoing process. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to explore the depths of your inner world. However, by consistently engaging in this process, you can gain deeper insights into yourself and live a life that is truly aligned with your authentic Self.
The search for clarity often arises from a protector part that senses something is missing. You may recognize this inner voice — the part of you that whispers, "There’s more to life than this, but I can’t quite grasp what it is." This "missing piece" might represent aspects of yourself that have been exiled or disowned – parts that are afraid to be seen or acknowledged. Or it could be that your core Self feels obscured, so now clarity has become a relentless pursuit driven by the parts that long to fill the gaps. The tips outlined in this blog may seem challenging or overwhelming to some of your parts, and that's okay. Remember, the journey toward clarity requires courage and compassion for all the aspects of yourself that are yearning for understanding. The question is, are you ready to let your true Self lead?
If a part of you is curious or feels stuck, let’s explore that together. Schedule a session with me and begin your journey into self-discovery, where clarity is not a destination but an unfolding experience of connection, balance, and inner harmony. Why don't you try it out for yourself this year?
As I close this article, please remember that wherever you are on this wellness journey, do not worry about getting it perfect; just get it going. Until next time. Happy reading! Welcome to 2025!
Speaking of new journeys this year....
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“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.” ~Carl Jung
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